I have heard some “experts” argue that it is lack of communication.
While that has some elements of truth, it`s not completely true.
You asked me "why?" and I will explain.
Imagine someone telling you that “the major cause of mass failure of students in their exams is because there are not enough teachers in their schools”, how correct is that statement? Not very correct.
We would have expressed it with a specific language, “the reasons we have more students failing in our school is because there are not enough Mathematics, Physics and Geography teachers” (I assume these are the causes our student are failing)
Now you got my point.
If we claim to be having communication problems in our relationships and marriages, we should be able to ask ourselves, on what and what is it?
Is it about sex, kids, in-laws etc.? Yes, but very much about money and finances.
A May 2010 survey by the American Express confirmed it that only 43% of couples talk about money.
A similar report written in the year 2009 by The New York Times states that the odds of marriage ending in divorce as a result of financial related problems is as high as 45%
Now you see the relationship between these two findings!
If only 43% of couples communicate about money and the possibility of divorce as a result of financial related problem is 45%, then we can see how lack of “money-communication” is killing many relationships.
The truth is, money problem is one of the Marriage And Relationship Breakers.
So, what is the solution? I have these 7 things to tell you:
1. It's not really about much or how little money the money you have is. The first thing I want you to understand is that Marriages and relationships that break due to money related problems did not break because the couples were not having enough money. Your relationship will not stand simply because your spouse has much money. Instead, it's all about the financial attitude of the couples in the relationship (I’ll talk about this soon). What I want you to understand in this face is money mind, and not money size is what breaks relationships. Poor people get divorce due to financial problems and millionaires get divorce due to the same problem. Let`s move on.
2. Check your partner's money personality. All of us have money personality. Some people are spenders while some people are savers. Some are extravagant while others are careful shoppers. The major problem begins when I am in love with you, I love to keep money and buy durable things while you love to enjoy money (na one life dey, no be so?). if you're yet to be married, then take time to check your spouse's money personality. If it's against yours, then you have work to do. Will you say bye-bye? Not necessarily. Do this….
3. Understand your partner's money mind. This will work for people who are already married or people who are in wonderful courtship relationships they want to turn to marriage. Communicate effectively with your partner about his/her money mind. Based on what you already know about him/her and about yourself, you must have understood how different you are in money personality (if you are). Sit down and be blunt with each other. I am not saying you should shout. I am saying you should communicate. Let each of you know where you belong and how you are different, plus why you are different. Here is it. ‘Dear, I know you love to spend money on clothes and jewelries so much. As you know, I love to save as much money as possible and this has been causing some arguments for the past few years. What can we do? I feel like we should buy less things so as to be able to save for our children's education”. You have given him/her a convincing point because training your children could be one of those financial burdens if proper care is not taken. Discovering that both of you are different is the first step. Seeing your spouse as a good person (not a money shopper) is the second step. Communicating effectively about how you can mend things is the third step.
4. Become business minded couples. Naturally, business-minded couples are usually financially discipline. You don't have to be a business person to be business minded, you only have to understand that money spent is gone forever while money kept (or invested) is like a seed. Lovingly communicate to your spouse that saving habit will rescue you both from future financial headaches and can even help you to raise capital to start a business of your own.
5. If you hold the key, drop it! There are relationships where one partner is earning more money than other or one partner is working and the other is not. The disadvantaged party usually feel inferior and this may be the origin of the financial problem. What can you do? Drop the key in your hand! Let her/him be in charge of the money. Let him/her decide more and spend your money. This will restore his/her self-esteem and you will both be happy for it.
6. Manage extended family's financial needs. Her mother wants to celebrate her birthday, his sister wants to pay school fees, her brother asks for money too much. These are the potential sources of financial problem. What can you do? First, be transparent. Don't give your mother money secretly. If you do, she may assume you gave her more and problem comes when you need to give her mother money and you give her what she considers too small. Don`t complain about him spending too much on his family. Better way, both of you should sit down and agree on how (in what percentage or terns) will you be giving back to your families.
7. Stop mine and yours attitude. So many couples spend their money separately. The problem with this is, the higher earner oppress (so to say) the lower earner with mine, yours attitude. This is my car, that's your land is a sure beginning of a marital clash.
In conclusion, take action to communicate with your spouse about differences in your financial personalities and have a better love life.
Thanks.
2 comments:
The problem with men is that they always want to be in control.. What if he doesn't agree to share the spendings equally, what if he insists that he should spend more, even when i earn more than him.. Thats how my husband is.. too controlling in everything.. What can I do?
Thanks for this. For me, my finance is not much. So, its quite easy to manage. :)
I wish i had mire, anyway. God dey.
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